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Older Sadder Wiser Pt. 03

My arrival at Jeff s home for the first time after the death of his grandfather was a moving moment for us both. Once inside the house we fell into each other s arms and our long kiss led to a flooding of our minds and bodies with emotion. I ran my free hand through his hair while he pressed his groin into mine until the pressure mounted between us and our dicks stiffened with the excitement. He put his hand down to feel mine through my trousers and I smiled even as I kissed him then giggled and said It s all there ready and waiting.



Lets go upstairs at once he whispered though there was no need for silence in the house.



I had quite a surprise when we reached his bedroom. He had moved into the one at the front of the house which had formerly been his grandfather s before the old man had become too sick to go upstairs. Jeff had redecorated it so that it felt new with pictures I had not seen before on the walls. But now was not the time to comment. He drew me again into his arms and there followed a rapturous embrace which ended with my hand untucking his tee shirt from the waist band of his trousers while his fingers searched for – and undid – the top fastening of mine. When my trousers were ready to drop I shuffled them down past my knees while he undid his broad belt and dropped his jeans to his ankles. As soon as he had done this my hand went inside his underpants to feel his wonderful dick and he did the same to me. It was a moment of great joy and for a minute we stood there our hands round each other s dick and our lips joined in another long kiss.



Time to lie on the bed he whispered and he turned away withdrawing his dick from my grasp and taking his hand off mine. Here s a chair for you to put your clothes on.



Very quickly we were both naked standing in the middle of the room and loving what we saw of each other : two long dicks ready for action with ball sacs swinging low beneath them. We embraced again long and fiercely and my hand went down to wrap both our dicks in my grasp. I wished then that whenever I held my own I could be holding his too. Our foreskins had clipped into place beneath the purple rims of our swollen glans which were wet with pre-cum. After I had given them both a few gentle strokes he put his hand down to join mine and urged it to quicker action. This had the effect of bringing me to the edge and as I didn t want to cum so quickly I said Lets lie on the bed.



I got there first and he lay down beside me then took me in his arms again and rolled on top of me while I held on tightly to his dick. I had never had anyone lie on top of me like that and it was undeniably exciting if somewhat uncomfortable. Soon afterwards therefore I rolled him off me and he lay on his back hands to his sides as if inviting me to do what I liked with him. And he was such a lovely sight lying there with his long dick sticking into the air his slim build and his complete acceptance of the feelings we were experiencing for each other. So I kissed him again on the lips then moved my face down to his nipples and kissed them then caressed with my forefinger the area on his belly where I knew his spunk would soon be landing and then at last I took his dick between my fingers and caressed that too. Soon my lips had enclosed his glans and he was gasping with pleasure as I ran my tongue round that most sensitive part of him gradually moving from a circular motion to up and down with my lips. At the same time I gently started to ease my fingers up and down on the loose skin of his shaft and soon I could feel from his shallow breathing and the extra tension in his body that his orgasm was close. I withdrew my lips and glanced briefly up into his face. His eyes were closed but there was an expression of profound concentration there.



Keep going he urged I m close.



I reapplied my lips fondling his shaft just below the head again with my fingers and soon he was gasping and saying Urlen …. Urlen … and I knew this was his signal to take my mouth off his knob and stroke more vigorously with my hand. He gave no other indication of approaching orgasm otrher than the soft Uh … uh… I had come to love and the sperm just shot out of him in several long spurts. I was left admiring the pools which formed on his belly. When he had finished spunking I touched the slippery knob with my fingers sending him into another paroxysm of sensation. Ah … ah ..he gasped so I did it again – and he gasped again. Then I put my lips once more over that pulsating glans and wondered that I had never done this before so soon after orgasm. His spunk had a unique rather pleasant taste and I held my lips in place savouring it while gradually his dick lost its tumescence. Then I withdrew and lay quietly beside him my hand now gently touching my own dick to keep it excited while he recovered.



You re wonderful I said rolling over and giving him a kiss. And with my finger I joined up the little pools of sperm and traced on his belly the words I love you. To begin with he couldn t read the letters so he asked me to do it again. This time when I got to the end I felt that to say I love you might be a bit heavy given the circumstances so I lengthened the writing into I love your dick.



He laughed and said And I love yours too.



And now he was ready to wank me using his lips and fingers in the same way as I had done him only he used a kind of sipping motion with his lips which brought me to the edge almost immediately. I had no reason or desire to hold back and was in control of myself only long enough to utter I m close …. I m close ….Here it cums before spewing my juice liberally onto my belly.



You re wonderful too he said as he stroked me through the final dying spasms then returned the compliment by touching my super-sensitive glans.



I know of no words that adequately convey the sensation that a lover caressing your glans in the seconds after orgasm gives rise to. It would be painful were it not so pleasurable and yet the pleasure extraordinarily intense as it is is close to pain. It doesn t last long for the glans quickly closes down on you and it s not the same if you do it to yourself immediately after masturbation.



After it was over we lay quietly beside each other on the bed our dicks deflated. Then we began to talk. He wanted to say that this might be the last time we would have sex together because he needed to start a new life by finding someone with whom he could fully share it. He laid emphasis on the word fully because he said our relationship and the sex were great but I was not free to join him on a permanent basis and I was difficult to phone during the week if he wanted to talk with me. He was very anxious for me to understand this and that he had enjoyed every moment we had been together.



I reassured him as best I could. Inwardly I was bleeding to think that I might not see him again to share the strong sexual attraction we felt for each other. The loss of his warm gentle personality such a contrast to Chris s less engaging taciturnity cut me to the quick because we were both deeply lonely people at heart. But I knew that his grandfather who had been fond and proud of him had been his main emotional tie and that he had enjoyed the daily cares and chores of looking after him when he fell ill. His was a naturally helpful and generous character : he liked to be of service to other people. As he once said to me : I like to give. Now he was left alone in the house and was still coping with the pain of bereavement. His mother not naturally sympathetic was unable to help. He would be happier with a new man in his life who could perhaps live with him and give him more of himself than I could. Part of me was still badly wanting my wife to come back and my children had never given up hoping that she would.



I asked him Why not advertise then? and he said he had been thinking of it but felt nervous about making the first move. It was he thought easier to respond to the adverts of others (as he had done to mine) than to advertise himself.



You get more choice if you do the advertising I pointed out. Why don t we sit down together and work out an ad for you to place in the local papers. It s free – and will give you a voice mail-box. All you have to do is work out the written ad then think of what you want to say on your voice mail recording when people phone in response to the ad. Then you can listen to what the guys say and choose whether or not to reply to the phone number they ll give you.



OK he said simply We ll do that when we go downstairs. But first …. And he took me into his arms again and kissed me our dicks re-stiffened and soon we were both wanking each other and going hell for leather for the second orgasm. It took considerably longer this second time and to my surprise because I was the one who usually needed less stimulation to reach a climax he came first but the sight of yet more spunk erupting from his magnificent dick immediately had me on edge and I came too bucking my hips to get the maximum satisfaction from it.



We cleaned up in the bathroom which he had also redecorated and went downstairs where with pencil and paper we roughed out a simple draft advertisement stating his age and locality the fact that he could accommodate but not travel far and that he was looking for a long-term relationship. The recorded message was more difficult because it was more personal and he could say more that was meaningful. We decided that he should ask the men who responded to say a little about themselves their age circumstances experience and interests and when they were free to meet. He stated again that he was looking if possible for a long-term and loving relationship. Jeff got nervous about phoning the newspaper so I did this for him reading out the agreed text of the ad. I was given the voice-mail box numbers for recording the spoken message and listening to the replies and told the ad would appear on Monday and in the next two editions. Jeff practised speaking the bit and then did the recording. All he had to do now was wait for next week. I left him giving him a hug full of fondness and promised to come again next Thursday to find out if anyone had replied.



When I got there a week later and asked how many replies he d had he looked at me in a kind bewilderment and said I ve had so many I don t know where to start. I had no idea there were so many people out there wanting to reply. It s costing a small fortune phoning the voice box on premium rates but it s exciting! And the amazing thing is that most of them are married.



Being married myself though separated from my wife I gave a rueful grin and noticing this he said Oh sorry but in truth I didn t mind at all. By that time it had become for me a normal way of life.



He had made a note of each of the recorded phone calls he had received and we re-dialled to listen to the ones he thought the most interesting. They were all different some spilling their emotions onto the tape others nervous and hesitant and finding it difficult to say anything connected and it was one of these that Jeff had fixed on as being of greatest interest for following up. The message with plenty of pauses went as follows :



This is Lionel… er I m thirty-eight and er… married but my wife has thrown me out. I don t have …er.. a lot of experience but I ..er ….. I can travel …. I m a signalman on the railway and I ..er ..could visit you any time when I m not on shift. I ve got my own allotment and… er… like gardening. …. Er…. I m five foot six and I ve got dark hair .. er.. what s left of it. You can .. er… phone me on my mobile (and he gave the number) anytime. I.. er .. hope very much you ll want to phone me. There was a pause and then a click as the phone went down as if he had run out of anything to say yet knew he ought to have said more. I could see why he appealed to Jeff.



Have you phone him then? I asked.



Yes. He sounds nice. Quite quiet and shy I d say.



Did you ask him why he wanted to meet a man? Yes. He said he d always known that he was bi-sexual and that his wife had found out. He s got two children apparently.



So have I I reminded him.



Do you think I should meet him?



Of course. If you don t like him you don t have to do anything or see him again. But don t invite him here until you ve met him say in a pub like when you met me. Why not ring him now? If he s at work in his signal-box he ll probably be able to take a call on his mobile.



In fact Lionel had finished his shift and was at work on his allotment when Jeff s call came through. Jeff with his shop assistant s training was fluent and business-like on the phone and in no time they d made a date to meet on the Saturday afternoon at the same pub he d met me. He smiled up at me as he made the arrangement and when the call was over he said It would be funny if we found we d already met somewhere. Then And now lets go and celebrate – and he set off upstairs.



The sex was again wonderful but poignant too in that we knew that it was probably for the last time. Jeff had said that if he formed a new relationship he would be faithful to his new partner and I knew that this was what he wanted. I was deeply sorry about losing him but above all I wanted him to be happy. He was such a generous warm and open-hearted guy that he deserved what he was looking for namely a long- term relationship with someone he could love and who would love admire and appreciate him. After it was over we lay for a long time side by side on the bed talking quietly and just being friends. I offered to be of help to him should he ever need it and said I would continue to use the Builders Merchants so I would be seeing him from time to time. We held our embrace for a long long time before I left his home and returned to mine. Both my children were out when I got there and I felt lonely and sad. Though I could visit Chris for sexual excitement I was not fond of him in the same way and I knew that whatever the world called it it was a genuine sense of love that I felt for Jeff and that Jeff felt for me. The feeling was precious and now it was being replaced by the kind of emptiness I had experienced when first my wife had left me. I scarcely knew what to do with myself.



However I decided not to contact Chris anyway for a month or two and I held off going to the Builders Merchants for four weeks. When eventually I went there one glance at Jeff at the counter showed me he was happy. He suppressed his start of recognition when he saw me but when I wandered into the back regions of the shop he found an excuse to come there and in a hurried conversation told me all was well and asked after me. Lionel OK then? I asked quietly and he nodded and went back to the counter.



That set the pattern for the next few visits to the shop then a few months after Lionel had moved in Jeff asked me if he could telephone me at a time convenient for us both. There was something he wanted to ask me. We arranged a time to talk and I walked out of the shop wondering what it could be. He seemed happy – surely there could be nothing wrong between him and Lionel? I had met Lionel briefly on one of my shop visits. He was there talking to Jeff who introduced me. It was only the briefest of introductions but from the look Lionel gave me I reckoned Jeff had told him who I was. It was an appraising rather than an antagonistic look. Lionel himself struck me as a rather unprepossessing-looking little man balding dark-haired slight of build pale-faced and with a tendency to be nervous. I wondered whether he could easily be made jealous. We shook hands and I moved off after nodding and saying Hello. So I was very surprised when Jeff phoned me to say that it was Lionel who wished to talk with me and if I was willing could he arrange a meeting between us?



I said Yes of course and agreed to meet Lionel at his allotment on the next Saturday morning.



It was a damp cold and overcast day when I reached the allotment. Summer had given way to autumn and autumn was giving way to winter. Lionel was digging manure into the soil and there were a few straggly leeks and brussel sprouts and not much else. At the end of his narrow allotment garden there was a shed with its door open. He was wearing a grubby boiler-suit and sweating slightly with the exercise.



He put his fork down as I approached and held out his wrist for me to shake as his hand was dirty. Good of you to come he said in a pleasant voice. No problem finding your way here then?



Jeff have me excellent instructions I said.



He smiled. You must be wondering what I want to talk with you about. Come inside the shed and I ll make us a cup of tea. Then we can talk. His conversation didn t sound nervous or disjointed as it had when I listened to his tape-recorded message to Jeff and it was I who seemed the more disconcerted as we made our way into the shed. It had started to rain lightly as we went inside and Lionel said Just as well it s dry in here.



Inside there was a table next to a small window with a chair drawn in under it. On it were seed catalogues potting containers a kettle with a gas-driven hob under it two mugs (much stained) and the wherewithal for making tea. Hooks for gardening tools lined the long wall opposite the window and there were shelves all round for plants and trays. At the far end opposite the door which he had closed as we came in was a mattress with half its length up against the wall and the other half on the floor. He washed his hands in a watering can that was standing near the door took a handkerchief out of his pocket to dry them pulled the chair out for me to sit on struck a match to light the gas and set the kettle to boil.



The vegetables I grow here come in real handy now I m with Jeff he said.



Who does the cooking? I asked.



We share it – sometimes me sometimes him. We don t have much money to go out and anyhow I wouldn t want my missus to see him by accident-like with me. He gave a wintry smile. She doesn t know where I am and I don t want her to know.



Do you have children? I asked as if divining by inspiration that that was what he wanted to talk with me about.



That s it he said quickly. I do – and it s about them I wanted to ask your advice.



Advice! I felt I was far from being able to advise anyone on the subject having struggled as a single parent with my own two.



I ve got two children – a boy and a girl like you only they re younger – seven and five.



I could tell that Jeff had been talking to him about me but I didn t mind having total confidence in Jeff s discretion. I waited for him to carry on.



They re with my wife but I ve been granted access to them. She knows I m … (for the first time he hesitated then taking a deep breath) She knows I m queer but they don t.



He looked up at me anxiety written all over his face and I noticed what nice light brown eyes he had. In a rush he said What do I tell them when do I tell them and how will it affect them if they know their dad s queer?



While I was thinking how to reply the kettle started to whistle and he turned his attention to making the tea which was just as well as I needed time for thought.



When he was ready for a reply I said slowly Being queer – does that make you any less of a dad?



I don t feel so he replied.



Do you love your kids?



Yes – fervently.



How have they reacted to your leaving home?



They want us to get together again.



And that s completely impossible?



Yes – completely.



Why?



My wife thinks I m dirty. He looked at his hands all dirty with manure and laughed. Not dirty like this but morally dirty corrupt bad …..

And do you feel like that?



A shake of the head.



How often do you see them?



Once a week at weekends or to fit in with my shifts.



OK I said heavily Here goes. Look – I m no authority on this but I should say that the vital thing is that you should love them – and show that you love them not by showering them with presents and definitely not by trying to make them take your side in a dispute with their mother. Take an interest in everything they do and help them where you can. Don t tell them about Jeff well anyway not just yet and be reliable – never cancel any of your pre-arranged visits. The world s changing. There must be thousands upon thousands of men who get married and have children who find that it s not all it s cracked up to be – and who find moreover that heterosexual satisfaction doesn t compare say with wanking or male-on-male sex. When they grow up they ll be more ready to understand this than we were when we were young.



So you don t think I should tell them about Jeff leastways not yet?



No.



If they re hoping my wife and I will get back together should I tell them it s unlikely impossible even?



Say nothing.



And you don t think so long as I love and support them my sexuality will adversely affect them? I d hate to think that I should in any way be responsible for making my son queer.



It s unlikely I should think. Homosexuality can run in families but not enough is known for anyone to try to prevent it. My own son seems completely normal if you see what I mean.



Lionel nodded and passed me a cup of tea. He poured some water from a jug standing on the floor into a small bowl and washed his hands with some soap before drying them. That s better he said as he drank his tea. I m glad I spoke to you. I ll remember your advice.



I didn t think it was necessarily very good advice but it had come from my heart and I didn t know the circumstances of his separation to be able to compare it with mine.



You said sex was not always what it s cracked up to be? he said after a pause in our conversation. I nodded. That sex with women often doesn t compare with wanking or male-on-male sex? I nodded again. Tell me he said suddenly Do you wank?



Of course I said surprised by the question but not wanting to avoid a direct answer. It s a natural thing to do if you re on your own. And a wank shared is much better than a solo effort.



He looked at me relief written all over his face. I do so agree with you he said simply and looking at him I saw behind him because he was still standing the mattress half on the floor at the end of shed.



Ah – now I understand what that mattress is for I said meaningfully. He looked round at it and then half-ashamed and half glad that I had noticed he said Yes that s for wanking on.



He looked at me closely. We were both conscious that the rain had increased in volume and was beating onto the shed roof and streaming in rivulets down the window.



So even now that you re with Jeff you still like an occasional wank?



Sure…. Why not? …. I like to be in charge of myself sometimes…. An electrical current had invaded the atmosphere in the shed translating itself to my groin where I felt the first stirrings of excitement. To look at Lionel was nothing special and he was Jeff s partner now. And yet I was interested. He must have felt the electricity too because he put his hand to his crotch and said Do you mind if I sit down?



How did you discover that you liked sex with men? I asked.



Long story he said. I ve always played with myself and wondered how others did it. When I found out I discovered that I enjoyed that too.



Me too I said.



His hand was now covering a bulge in his boiler-suit and looking down at it from my chair I could see he was gently rubbing it while looking up at me in a questioning sort of way.



I was the first to speak. Go ahead I said I ll just sit here and watch if you like.



He did like – and I was amazed when he undid his buttons and pulled out his dick. He was only a slight man not very tall with straggly dark hair going bald and no obvious sex appeal. Yet his dick was completely disproportionate to his build being thick almost flabby and much longer than I would have expected. Mine stiffened in sympathy.



Ah he said That s better – and he started kneading it hand over hand until it reared up looking twice the size in the dimly-lit shed. I noticed one rather curious thing about it : the knob large and fleshy didn t finish straight in line with his shaft but was slightly bent downwards at the end. It made no difference to the way his foreskin slipped up and down over it but it looked odd. Here goes he said and he fished in his pocket and brought out the handkerchief he had dried his hands on. I always come prepared – just in case he said as he laid it across his midriff. I think Jeff would understand. Probably does it himself sometimes. Probably we all do. He s very fond of you by the way.



Yes I know I said truthfully. And I m very fond of him. But I know he s happy with you. He needs someone to love. Treat him well.



I will said Lionel but it came out more as a grunt for by now his hand was flying up and down and he was clearly well into his wank. He stopped momentarily to say Don t you feel like joining me and though I was holding my dick tightly deep in my trouser pocket to contain my excitement I shook my head feeling that a casual relationship with Jeff s boyfriend could lead to hurtful complications. He now reapplied himself with such vigour that I was astonished when his hand suddenly stopped flying on the downward stroke. Nothing seemed to happen for a moment and then there was a rush of sperm as it leapt into the air and fell onto the handkerchief he had placed to catch it. Then several more quick strokes and another held on the down-stroke and another gush of sperm.



Wow I said as his spasms came to an end with mere trickles down his shaft That was a good un.



Yes I think I shoot better when I m with somebody else. Turns me on like.



I was turned on too and could feel pre-cum from my dick dampening my pocket lining but I was determined to take no further part in the action. Rain s easing off a bit I said I d better be going. Give Jeff my love and tell him I behaved myself…



He looked up at me still wiping his dick with a dry corner of his hankie then stuffing it back into his boiler-suit. Yeah he said getting to his feet. We understand each other better now and I m really grateful for your advice. I guess you won t hold this against me?



Not at all I said. I greatly enjoyed the show. You have one helluva jump …



He nodded and put out his hand to shake mine. It was slightly sticky but I didn t mind. I wiped my hand on a dock leaf as I left the allotment and he saw me do it and laughed.



Back home I found my son out but my daughter had prepared lunch for me. I gave her a kiss opened a bottle of wine and gave her half a glass while I drank two or three. I watched a football match on tele during the afternoon and fell asleep in my chair only to have one of those semi-waking dreams in which I was back in the shed again only this time it was with Fred. He was wanking me and I was just about to cum when the oddity of the situation woke me up and I realized that I was near to having a wet dream. Fortunately my daughter was in the kitchen so she didn t see me stagger to the bathroom where I was able to wash the pre-cum off my dick with a flannel. When I got back to my chair the match had ended and I fell to reflecting on my situation. It was no use my blaming anyone for my predicament – neither myself my wife my parents her parents or anybody else. I regretted that she had never been passionate in bed with me and wondered if we would have got on together better if she had. Unlike Chris s wife she had never denied me sex but she hadn t encouraged it either lying there while I made love to her cumming far too quickly for her satisfaction. Maybe this was just the way we were made – and I wondered how many couples were well matched sexually. And then I remembered how well matched both Fred and I were and how happy Jeff and I had been together. Most men I reckoned if they really delved into their sub-conscious were interested in other men s dicks and their performance. I couldn t regret being bi- sexual for I believed that most men unless they were psychologically repressed or inhibited their interest in other men were too. I had no sense of shame for what I had done. With one exception I had hurt no- one even though I myself had been terribly hurt by my wife s leaving me out of the blue for a much older man and I had maintained my loving relationship with my children. What I had said to Lionel in the shed had welled out of me.



I thought back over my past encounters with other men and realized that with some it was just for the sex. Maynard had had such a massive dick and balls Des such superb technique Chris too was sexually very attractive . But whereas the most sheerly exciting may have been Thierry and Vic and the most exotic – Lomi those of whom I had been fondest were Jeff and Fred . And probably though it was just sex the one who had most influenced me was Steve . My thoughts turned to him and I wondered where he was now and what he was doing.



I fell asleep again and this time slept soundly.



1 See Maynard s Secret chapter in The Adventures of Urlen

2 See Camping in France chapter 8 in The Adventures of Urlen

3 See Chris chapter 14 in The Adventures of Urlen

4 See Thierry chapter 4 in The Adventures of Urlen

5 See Vic chapter 7 in The Adventures of Urlen

6 See International Relations chapter 10 in The Adventures of Urlen

7 See Sadder Older Wiser chapter 13 in The Adventures of Urlen

8 See How I Got More Than a Haircut chapter 11 in The Adventures of Urlen

9 See First Fumblings which is chapter 1 of The Adventures of Urlen